The Meaning of Life (or "You Asked For It!")

All life consists of mass and energy. Einstein proved that energy and mass is really the same thing, just one is moving very fast. Mass is actually energy contained (through quantum-level forces) so when mass decays, the result is energy (like how a compost pile will generate heat). For energy to become mass, certain quantum conditions must be met such that the energy becomes “organized” into atoms and other particles.

The First Law of Thermodynamics assures me that the total amount of energy (or mass) in the universe is constant. The Second Law of Thermodynamics tells me that any closed system (like the universe) will reduce in entropy until chaos is attained. In other words, the universe is a closed and ordered system, which, over time, will decay from a collection of mass (which is just “structured” energy) and energy to a homogenized “soup” of energy.

Each person consists of mass and energy. As I progress through life, I obtain the energy from the environment (food, water, sleep, etc.) to repair and maintain the “order” of the cells in my body (i.e., reinforcing the mass vs. the energy). After time, however, due to degradation in the duplicates of individual cells which occur during cell division (mutation), the “recipe” for me will become riddled with errors. As the number and/or severity of the errors becomes too great to ensure continuance of the greater structure (i.e., my body), I will die. Because energy cannot be destroyed, the energy that existed within me continues to exist, just not in the body, organs and cells that once housed it.

While my body will decay and further fuel other forms of life (worms, plants, etc.), there is a portion of my energy that is not part of my physical body, which many might call my “soul” or “spirit.” It is this Essence that animates me, independent of the organic energy of the body. Due to the absolute inimitability of each situation (this mass and this energy in this time and in this universe), each person is unique; however, outside of the material (mass), temporal (time) and local (universe) limitations, this Essence is integrated with all other Essences (Humanity) as well as other forms of energy.

This unique energy has no memory (since memory only exists in the cells of my brain) and it has no sense of time (because all time is “now” at the quantum level). As a person, I have a sense of “being” that is derived from my evolved brains (i.e., consciousness). I also have a limited knowledge of the universe, but only through observations that I have made and measured with the tools that have been developed by humans as an animal species. However, my Essence has no inherent knowledge of itself or the universe. These perceptions and data are physically evolved and learned, not innate, similar to how a toddler will learn to perceive time through “later” versus “now” and then eventually to read a clock or calendar to determine time based on the human-invented interval.

In the sense of having a goal or purpose, each Essence truly has none because without our memory and consciousness, everything is “now”. Everything that the Essence has been, is, or will be, all exists together. My Essence is the same now as it ever was and will never change. My perception and my physical being may change but who I am remains the same. What I may perceive as “spiritual” growth is merely a greater knowledge of and alignment with my own Essence.

Just because my Essence has no purpose, per se, does not mean that my life is purposeless. I believe that each person’s purpose is to live a life in concord with their own Essence. Since each Essence is a part of Humanity, it is beneficial for me to maximize my contributions to Humanity during my life. This is not an issue of “good” or “bad”. It is much more similar to the duality of evolution and sexual selection. What is most efficient or effective for Humanity as a whole may or may not be most efficient or effective for each discrete Essence. This can be summed up in one of my favorite quotations: “If you can’t be a good example, at least be a horrible warning.”

Myself, personally, I try to align my actions with, embrace and respect my personal Essence. I feel that as my life grows to reflect my Essence, I become more at-peace with who I am.

A Deep and Introspective Inventory

1. Active
   
   
   
   1. Healthy and non-sedentary
      
      
      
      1. Assessment: 30%
      
      
      2. I give myself credit for:
         
         
         
         1. Not smoking
         
         
         2. No heavy drinking
         
         
         3. No drug use
         
         
         4. Not participating in a hard-partying lifestyle
         
         
         5. Wearing my seatbelt
         
         
         6. Getting regular physicals
         
         
      
      
      3. I do, however, need to:
         
         
         
         1. Get my butt moving (I pay $80 a month for a gym membership!)
         
         
         2. Eat better (I pay for WeightWatchers online!)
         
         
         3. Reduce my weight
         
         
         4. Reduce my cholesterol (it’s only slightly over 200 but, with my family history, I can’t be too careful!)
         
         
      
      
      4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
         
         
         
         1. Regular workouts at least four times a week
         
         
         2. Consistent use and compliance with the WeightWatchers program
         
         
         3. Safely and reasonably reducing and maintaining my weight to the medically-recommended weight for my height
         
         
         4. Reducing and maintaining my total cholesterol below 200, HDL above 60 and LDL below 130
         
         
      
      
      5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
         
         
         
         1. More energy, better sleep, reduced stress, less depression (endorphins!)
         
         
         2. A better wardrobe (I still have lots of clothes from my “skinnier” days!)
         
         
         3. A larger selection of do-able activities (hiking, running, etc.)
         
         
      
      
   
   
   2. Responsive
      
      
      
      1. Assessment: 20%
      
      
      2. I give myself credit for:
         
         
         
         1. Recent improvement in my timeliness for bill-paying
         
         
      
      
      3. I do, however, need to:
         
         
         
         1. Respond to telephone calls/text messages, emails/electronic communication and written correspondence in a more timely manner
         
         
         2. Reduce the pile-up of paperwork
         
         
         3. Track my expenses in a real-time manner to allow for improved future budgeting and better current reconciling.
         
         
      
      
      4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
         
         
         
         1. Return telephone calls/text messages that day
         
         
         2. Respond to emails/electronic communication within three days
         
         
         3. Pick up, open and deal with my mail every week
         
         
         4. Sort through and deal with my current repository of paperwork for at least 20 minutes a day until the pile is gone
         
         
         5. Begin set up of Quicken so that when January 1 rolls around, I will be ready to start tracking my finances.
         
         
      
      
      5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
         
         
         
         1. Reduced stress over “what did I forget or overlook?”
         
         
         2. More space in my second bedroom
         
         
         3. A better sense of my spending and budget, fewer “gotchas”
         
         
      
      
   
   
   3. Passionate and contributing
      
      
      
      1. Assessment: 10%
      
      
      2. I give myself credit for:
         
         
         
         1. Financial donations to non-profit organizations
         
         
      
      
      3. I do, however, need to:
         
         
         
         1. Support a cause through my time and effort
         
         
         2. Participate in the community in order to make it a little bit better for everyone
         
         
      
      
      4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
         
         
         
         1. Research to determine the best-fit cause for my ideals and its coordinating organization
         
         
         2. Participation in a non-profit organization
         
         
      
      
      5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
         
         
         
         1. Expanded social network
         
         
         2. Sense of “helping” in my community
         
         
         3. Tax deduction for dollars and miles
         
         
      
      
   
   
   4. Engaged and fulfilled in my life
      
      
      
      1. Assessment: 20%
      
      
      2. I give myself credit for:
         
         
         
         1. Starting this blog to annotate my journey, which encourages introspection
         
         
         2. Planning fun social events all over the country with various friends
         
         
      
      
      3. I do, however, need to:
         
         
         
         1. Spend more time “doing” instead of “zoning”
         
         
         2. Make plans for more fun social events
         
         
         3. Write in/update my blog more often
         
         
      
      
      4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
         
         
         
         1. Creation and use of an activity list that I can use when I have time to kill (instead of zoning in front of the TV)
         
         
         2. Once-a-month day trips to DC-area sites
         
         
         3. Bimonthly weekend trips to eastern-seaboard friends and sites
         
         
         4. Scheduling a specific time for blog-authoring each week
         
         
      
      
      5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
         
         
         
         1. Learning and seeing new things
         
         
         2. Re-connecting with friends
         
         
         3. Completed craft-projects for myself or others
         
         
         4. A more-insightful and meaningful blog
         
         
      
      
   
   


2. Present




1. Aware of myself and my surroundings
   
   
   
   1. Assessment: 30%
   
   
   2. I give myself credit for:
      
      
      
      1. Taking time occasionally to notice the space around me and how I feel in my body
      
      
      2. Owning a “how-to” book on meditation
      
      
   
   
   3. I do, however, need to:
      
      
      
      1. Focus on the activity at hand
      
      
      2. Learn to enjoy the journey and not just the anticipation of the destination
      
      
      3. Become comfortable with just “being” instead of doing or zoning
      
      
   
   
   4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
      
      
      
      1. Make eating an event unto itself, without distractions (TV, work, etc.)
      
      
      2. Divide my workday into 2-hour pieces with small breaks (10 minutes) of non-work activities
      
      
      3. When setting my personal goals, create a roadmap with reminders to listen to myself and appreciate where I am
      
      
      4. Practice meditation for a total of 120 minutes/week
      
      
   
   
   5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
      
      
      
      1. Becoming more in-tuned with how I eat, how I feel when I eat and how does it feel to be “full” and not “numb”
      
      
      2. A better energy-level for my activities at work
      
      
      3. Less pain from sitting at my desk for too long
      
      
      4. More peace with where I am in my journey vs. where I want to be
      
      
      5. Being at peace with myself and my body
      
      
   
   


2. Not numbed-out or tuned-out
   
   
   
   1. Assessment: 20%
   
   
   2. I give myself credit for:
      
      
      
      1. No drug use
      
      
      2. No heavy drinking
      
      
   
   
   3. I do, however, need to:
      
      
      
      1. Feel my fear, anger, hurt and sadness instead of eating or sleeping for comfort and denial
      
      
      2. Reduce my TV-watching and replace with a more self-aware and productive activity
      
      
      3. Reduce my need for naps so I can more fully engage in my life
      
      
   
   
   4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
      
      
      
      1. A small pocket journal to document my feeling when I feel the need to “escape”
      
      
      2. Only turn on television to watch specific shows – maybe get a DVR?
      
      
      3. Improve my nighttime sleeping so that I am less fatigued during the day
      
      
   
   
   5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
      
      
      
      1. A record of feelings and circumstances that will allow for me to assess and improve upon the emotional volatility of specific activities or times
      
      
      2. A more-healthy way to process the “scary” emotions
      
      
      3. More time and energy for doing activities for myself
      
      
   
   


3. Dedicated to myself through loyalty, acceptance and loving-kindness
   
   
   
   1. Assessment: 20%
   
   
   2. I give myself credit for:
      
      
      
      1. Standing up for myself at my last job, refusing to return to a position from which I’d been treated rudely, unfairly and ultimately “fired”, without a public apology
      
      
      2. Taking a new, better-paying and more-opportunity-filled job
      
      
      3. Supporting and believing in myself through my recent breakup and resultant drama
      
      
   
   
   3. I do, however, need to:
      
      
      
      1. Recognize and praise my own successes
      
      
      2. Stop beating myself up emotionally
      
      
      3. Listen to and trust my intuition instead of second-guessing myself
      
      
      4. Recognize that while I am accountable for my actions what occurs in my life, when a “responsibility-vacuum” is created by someone who refuses to own their role in what happened, it is not my job to take the blame
      
      
   
   
   4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
      
      
      
      1. Frequent silent reflection on my virtues (smiley stickers)
      
      
      2. Taking time to understand what is driving my inner critic and addressing the root of the disparagement instead of merely ignoring it (which causes it to get louder and more demanding)
      
      
      3. Give myself the time to really listen to what my “gut” is telling me and trust in it without second-guessing or overanalyzing
      
      
      4. Clearly define what portions of the blame are “mine” and “others” regardless of if they accept it
      
      
   
   
   5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
      
      
      
      1. Improved self-confidence and self-loyalty
      
      
      2. More time and energy for cleaning out my baggage
      
      
      3. By listening and trusting my “gut” more, my intuition will become stronger and louder
      
      
      4. Less unnecessary emotional baggage
      
      
   
   


4. At peace and happy with where I am in my journey
   
   
   
   1. Assessment: 40%
   
   
   2. I give myself credit for:
      
      
      
      1. No longer needing additional outward achievements to “prove” that I’m worthy
      
      
      2. Believing that where I am is exactly where I am supposed to be
      
      
   
   
   3. I do, however, need to:
      
      
      
      1. Let go and forgive any wrongs committed against me
      
      
      2. Approach each situation with a fresh perspective and not let previous experiences jade me
      
      
      3. Embrace myself just the way I am
      
      
   
   
   4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
      
      
      
      1. When I catch myself tensing up over old angers, remind myself to breathe, relax my shoulders and jaw and use visualization (items being swept away in a river) to let it go
      
      
      2. Remind myself that this is NEW and DIFFERENT (not necessarily WRONG) and trust that my brain and intuition will safely guide me
      
      
      3. Frequent silent reflection on my virtues (smiley stickers)
      
      
   
   
   5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
      
      
      
      1. A greater sense of peace and freedom without the burden of resentment
      
      
      2. An “un-chipped” shoulder can be the reward unto itself
      
      
      3. Embracing what I “have” instead of “have not” places my life focus more on what I want
      
      
   
   





3. Connected




1. Friendly and outgoing
   
   
   
   1. Assessment: 80%
   
   
   2. I give myself credit for:
      
      
      
      1. The wonderful circle of friends I cultivated in Arizona over the twelve years that I lived there
      
      
      2. The new friends I am making here in Virginia
      
      
      3. In general, having a smile on my face and an upbeat attitude
      
      
   
   
   3. I do, however, need to:
      
      
      
      1. Be more active in following up with new acquaintances (SMC, etc.)
      
      
      2. Participate in and create more social events
      
      
   
   
   4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
      
      
      
      1. Setting up specific appointments with new acquaintances to “follow up” on our initial meeting
      
      
      2. Set up a work happy-hour every six weeks
      
      
      3. Use meetup.com to find at least one new social event a month and GO!
      
      
   
   
   5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
      
      
      
      1. New friends
      
      
      2. New purposeful activities
      
      
      3. An outlet for my care-giving skills
      
      
   
   


2. Ingenuous and thoughtful
   
   
   
   1. Assessment: 80%
   
   
   2. I give myself credit for:
      
      
      
      1. Sending email and text messages and making phone calls to recognize birthdays
      
      
      2. Reaching out to friends when they are having difficulties or seem to need help
      
      
   
   
   3. I do, however, need to:
      
      
      
      1. Prepare better for annual events (birthdays, etc.) with cards instead of emails (everyone likes to receive stuff in the mail)
      
      
   
   
   4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
      
      
      
      1. A stash of birthday and greeting cards and stamps so I can send wishes through the mail in addition to phone and email.
      
      
   
   
   5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
      
      
      
      1. A sense of purpose and presence in the lives of those important to me
      
      
   
   


3. Communicative
   
   
   
   1. Assessment: 50%
   
   
   2. I give myself credit for:
      
      
      
      1. Updating my Facebook status daily
      
      
      2. Creating a blog
      
      
   
   
   3. I do, however, need to:
      
      
      
      1. Respond more promptly to phone calls, emails and text messages from friends, just to say hello
      
      
      2. Initiate communication with acquaintances and friends who are less close
      
      
   
   
   4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
      
      
      
      1. Return telephone calls/text messages that day
      
      
      2. Respond to emails/electronic communication within three days
      
      
      3. Create a list of friends/topics and tentative dates to connect
      
      
   
   
   5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
      
      
      
      1. Keeping the lines open from my direction is keeping the lines open, period.
      
      
      2. Better communication = closer friends
      
      
   
   


4. Open to new people and experiences
   
   
   
   1. Assessment: 50%
   
   
   2. I give myself credit for:
      
      
      
      1. Moving across the country to start a new life
      
      
      2. Making the new friends that I have
      
      
   
   
   3. I do, however, need to:
      
      
      
      1. Find new networks through non-profit activity, work friends, college friends and my own outside-of-work interests
      
      
      2. Try some new activities/challenges
      
      
   
   
   4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
      
      
      
      1. Use meetup.com to find at least one new social event a month and GO!
      
      
      2. Participation in a non-profit organization
      
      
   
   
   5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
      
      
      
      1. Studies show that the brain “grows” when someone tries something new, so my brain will be growing!
      
      
      2. Start whittling away at the “bucket list”
      
      
   
   





4. Effective




1. Organized
   
   
   
   1. Assessment: 30%
   
   
   2. I give myself credit for:
      
      
      
      1. Unpacking my kitchen boxes
      
      
      2. Owning several how-to books on organization
      
      
   
   
   3. I do, however, need to:
      
      
      
      1. Settle in to my apartment
      
      
      2. Reduce my clutter and disorder
      
      
      3. Address any outstanding financial or legal matters
      
      
      4. Catalog my household inventory
      
      
   
   
   4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
      
      
      
      1. Finish unpacking in my apartment
      
      
      2. Compile my electronic media
      
      
      3. Create a space with storage for my crafts and hobbies
      
      
      4. Manage my household chores more effectively
      
      
      5. Sort through and deal with my current repository of paperwork for at least 20 minutes a day until the pile is gone
      
      
      6. Arrange important papers for easy access and retrieval
      
      
      7. Create an estate plan
      
      
      8. Spend 20 minutes a day creating/updating an inventory of my home
      
      
   
   
   5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
      
      
      
      1. Less stress from seeing chaos
      
      
      2. Easier access to crafting activities
      
      
      3. An orderly sense of purpose in my household activities
      
      
      4. Less panic when searching for an important paper
      
      
      5. Improved records for insurance purposes
      
      
   
   


2. Responsible and accountable
   
   
   
   1. Assessment: 90%
   
   
   2. I give myself credit for:
      
      
      
      1. Taking ownership for my life and the consequences of my decisions
      
      
      2. Stepping up to lead efforts at work
      
      
   
   
   3. I do, however, need to:
      
      
      
      1. Better manage my finances and paperwork
      
      
   
   
   4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
      
      
      
      1. Sort through and deal with my current repository of paperwork for at least 20 minutes a day until the pile is gone
      
      
      2. Begin set up of Quicken so that when January 1 rolls around, I will be ready to start tracking my finances.
      
      
   
   
   5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
      
      
      
      1. Reduced stress over “what did I forget or overlook?”
      
      
      2. A better sense of my spending and budget, fewer “gotchas”
      
      
   
   


3. Thorough and consistent
   
   
   
   1. Assessment: 60%
   
   
   2. I give myself credit for:
      
      
      
      1. My attention to detail
      
      
      2. My ability to “dive in” to a project for hours on end
      
      
   
   
   3. I do, however, need to:
      
      
      
      1. Become more consistent in my workouts, communication and sleep schedule
      
      
   
   
   4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
      
      
      
      1. Create a realistic and regular routine for my life such that I can rely on getting things done and taking care of myself over time instead of in “fits and spurts”
      
      
   
   
   5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
      
      
      
      1. A reliable, regular “trend” in my life instead of the “yo-yo” effect
      
      
      2. A routine will help me create a sense of safety within myself
      
      
   
   


4. Reliable
   
   
   
   1. Assessment: 70%
   
   
   2. I give myself credit for:
      
      
      
      1. Showing up every day
      
      
      2. Delivering on commitments to others
      
      
   
   
   3. I do, however, need to:
      
      
      
      1. Honor my commitments to myself as I honor those that I make with others
      
      
   
   
   4. My life will continue to include all of my current successes and will expand to include:
      
      
      
      1. Making myself a priority in my daily life
      
      
      2. Appreciating and celebrating my own personal growth
      
      
      3. Taking care of myself emotionally without judgment
      
      
   
   
   5. The benefits that I will receive from these changes are:
      
      
      
      1. True belief that I don’t “need” anything beyond myself
      
      
      2. By taking care of myself as I would a loved one, I will create my very own self-contained caretaker
      
      
   
   

Some Thoughts on My Upcoming Changes

So instead of taking stock of where I am, I am starting with where I want to be and then I’m going to measure myself against that to determine where to focus my efforts. After careful consideration, I have picked the following adverbs to describe the characteristics with which I want to fill my life.
    1) Active
          a) Healthy and non-sedentary
          b) Responsive
          c) Passionate and contributing
          d) Engaged and fulfilled in my life
    2) Present
          a) Aware of myself and my surroundings
          b) Not numbed-out or tuned-out
          c) Dedicated to myself through loyalty, acceptance and loving-kindness
          d) At peace and happy with where I am in my journey
    3) Connected
          a) Friendly and outgoing
          b) Ingenuous and thoughtful
          c) Communicative
          d) Open to new people and experiences
    4) Effective
          a) Organized
          b) Responsible and accountable
          c) Thorough and consistent
          d) Reliable
Future posts will include my assessment of where I currently am in creating this type of life, how I reached that assessment and the improved lifestyle that I want to create. I already do pretty well in some of these areas but I think some serious introspection can help me to figure out where to go from here. Stay tuned…